The chilled beer touches my lips and makes its way through the taste glands. With every mouthful of masala peanuts there is a surge in dopamine levels in my body. The music and the dim lighting coupled with the light headedness induced from the alcohol creates a surreal world. I am withdrawn from everything real. For a moment, I am just me, sitting here with a friend. Every other aspect of my life doesn’t concern me. Mindfulness at its peak. An escape from reality. A new perception of happiness. My mind is filled with innumerous thoughts. It tries to gush through my tiny mouth. But words don’t come out. I form a sentence and blurt it out. It travels through buzz of the place and reaches my friends ears. I notice the changes in his expression while trying to comprehend what I am saying. He acknowledges it with a slight nod of his head and responds. A thought which was goofing around in my mind, is now in his. We are thinking the same thing. We are connected by that thought. We are sharing it right now. The thought became real the moment you said it.
Having a deep conversation is one of the most satisfying things on this earth. And getting stuck in a bad one is the worst. Most of the time I find myself in the receiving end. Once, in a bus I was stuck with a person explaining about Anapana meditation technique. I tried to be polite by putting on my best poker face. But the man never stopped. It felt like eternity. My whole life flashed in front of me. I regretted all the time I had wasted in my life, including this. Ironically, I could have used some Anapana meditation right then and there. The talent of existing a conversation like a gentleman is still elusive to me.
Every time I open my mouth to speak there is this guy in my head who goes berserk and starts shouting – “Why would anybody be interested in what you think? Keep your mouth shut, you moron.” I really care about what another person thinks. I love to hear what did they think about the film ‘Moonlight’. Or about the best dish they have eaten. There exists a big jigsaw puzzle in my head where I am trying to form mental image of the other person. Everything they say is puzzle piece which fits somewhere in that puzzle. As I get to know the person that puzzle completes little by little. It is constantly changing. Often, I have to remove some old piece in order to make room for the new. It is a never-ending problem. For me conversation is nothing but getting that picture clear in my head.
Image Source: By Ruocaled, CC BY 2.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/2.0/legalcode) via Flickr